My Eco-Heroine's Journey
“This path forces us first to examine ourselves and the world we live in, to face up to all that is broken and dysfunctional in it and in our lives. Then it calls us to change - first ourselves, and then the world around us. It leads us back to our own sense of grounded belonging to this Earth, and asks us what we have to offer to the places and communities in which we live. Finally, it requires us to step into our own power and take back our ancient, native role as its guardians and protectors. To rise up rooted, like trees.”
SHARON BLACKIE, IF WOMEN ROSE ROOTED
It’s been over four months since I posted on Instagram, and over two months since I sent out a newsletter or wrote a blog post. In all honesty, I’ve felt very lost.
Community and feeling a part of something wider has long been at the heart of my work, but in a time when people have drawn together even more, sought solace in the online world, and in connection, I rejected it. It felt as though my roots had been lifted from the Earth; I didn’t know how to re-plant them, and to begin with, I didn’t really want to either. Instead I wanted to watch as they became more and more lifeless, with a strange sense of unease and a melancholic disposition I couldn’t seem to shake. I rejected communication, with anyone. I sat in the depths of my anxiety and depression, and I didn’t want to climb out.
Things that had helped in the past no longer had any impact. Being in nature might have cleared my mind a little, but the clouds rolled in continually, and the fog never lifted. I’d never before felt as though every single moment was consumed by it, as though I’d never make it out.
I can’t pinpoint the moment of change, the second I decided that enough was enough, that I was strong enough after all. But here we are, at the start of the journey, facing up to all that is broken and dysfunctional, ready - finally - to begin.
My dad has long believed that what is missing from my life is faith, and although I’ve nodded and agreed, I’ve been at a loss as to where to find it. I’m not religious, and although the Earth has long been the guide I’ve been drawn to, I found it difficult to fully see how my integration and connection with nature could help me on this journey. I know through my work all about the healing powers of nature. I know all the facts, what I should be trying and persevering with, and yet.
Something was missing. An element I should have recognised sooner, considering my love for organisation, for rhythm and for some kind of structure: the path to guide me on this journey.
If Women Rose Rooted has sat on my bookshelf for a while. I’ve read probably a third of it, and this week decided it was time to pick it up again. I flicked through the pages to remind myself where I was up to and what chapters were ahead, and I ended up on the last few pages, in the postscript titled ‘The Eco-Heroine’s Journey - A Guide’. My intuition screamed: this is it. I hadn’t even read the first paragraph when I knew this was what I had been searching for. Blackie advises, “I offer you… some specific tips, and some questions to ask yourself which I hope will help you get started in thinking about how you might tell your own story.” As a writer, the lure of carving out my own story at the same time as moving through this journey, was not only appealing, it felt necessary.
For the first time in a long time, I felt compelled to begin a new post, to share something of myself with the world. I have no agenda here, other than recognising this as a place to keep me accountable on the path, a place to document my thoughts and experiences. It will, I have no doubt, be deeply rooted in the natural world, in the Earth, and in the cycles and seasons we see play out each year. Other than that, I’m not certain of anything, but perhaps that’s a good place to start?
As suggested by Blackie, here are the stages I’ll be working through:
The Wasteland - “sweep aside the veil which prevents us from seeing the world as it is: to understand what is broken, and what needs to change”
The Call - “life is not about being safe and secure; life is about growing, learning, transforming”
The Cauldron of Transformation - “Don’t fear the dark: it’s a natural part of the Journey… Out of the darkness comes strength, and focus. There is always another rebirth. But it always begins in the dark.”
The Pilgrim’s Way - “pick yourself up, and find your way to the path. Put one foot in front of the other, and walk: a pilgrimage begins with one small step”
Retrieving the Buried Feminine - “Creativity is an authentic approach to life: an openness, a spontaneity; a determination to nurture rather than destroy.”
Restoring the Balance - “understanding, appreciating and embodying the qualities which fall into both categories [masculine and feminine], and bringing ourselves - and the world - back into harmony”
The Heroine’s Return - “Wherever you are, for however long or short a period of time you stay there, it is important to learn to belong… Walk your streets, explore your woods, and always, always take account of the small beauties.”
Becoming Elder - “Pass your wisdom on. Think about telling your own story.”
I have no idea how long it will take to navigate each stage - some days, some weeks, some perhaps months - and I’m under no delusion that this will be a simple process. But I’m ready to begin, and to share. My plan is to write a post to accompany each stage; some might be written in the midst of the work, others once I feel ready to transition to the next stage. I’m just going to take it as it comes.
First, a post on The Wasteland, which will follow shortly, to explore my current position in more depth. I look forward to taking you on this journey with me.